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oh life.. [10 Sep 2008|02:29am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | dust - van hunt ] dear diary, damn, tonight's talk was needed.. i feel hella better, being around friends who know what i'm going through who won't judge me for what i do/did who been through it & are able to give me advice or whatevawhatever.. sometimes just being around certain people makes allll the difference. i swear i've been depressed these past couple weeks.. "curl up in a ball & cry.." type depressed at times. it's just so different here, too much time to think, mostly alone.. jobless, school dropout, heartbroken at times.. i don't even like talking to my parents anymore.. & it doesn't help that one of the only people i kick it with acts like he doesn't wanna be with me or is upset with me half the time.. & i really do feel like i'm trying..hard. i miss cupcakin' hella bad.. but yesssss, i feel a lot better since the talk tonight. mmmm, not so alone anymore, cause people actually feeeel me. yeah, it feels good..

shutter was interesting... [17 Aug 2008|12:01am] [ music | alfonzo's voice. ] hello there stranger. you know what i'd like to do? i'd like to have a tea party. dress all floral or fancy, & have toast.. (with sugar on top) So, remember how i'd always talk about how horrid it would be to move back to sac? well it's not so bad at the moment. I think it's cause i've been occupied. Like there's something to do everyday.. So my life doesn't seem so immensely dull. Disneyland was amazing as always. i wish i could have taken you with me though. Taught my first bible study class for the little cherrios.. My brother, the one that looks like nemo. was being an awful booger.. i swear he has add. Oh and I went jetski-ing with my familia today. & my mamas bought me a tasty chicken teriyaki sandwich. She's also making me go to church tomorrow.. =/ i'm not excited, maybe i'll pass. Anyhow, i hate how "education" always has to come up during conversations.. i probably repeated "yes i'm moving back auntie/uncle. going to crc.. nursing.." like six times last night.. & i feel bad because i know i've messed up terribly these past two years at sfsu but what can a woman do.. I miss you. Like a lot, a lot. you know that icky feeling you get in your head and tummy.. i've been feeling that lately. I think it's mainly because i feel like i've been a sucky ass girlfriend. & i get that horrid feeling in my tummy whenever i hear about an "ex". i can't help it.. u already know thats the thing about me, heart on my sleeve & let my emotions flow.. i know it's stupid.. but you know. i usually have you there & you know how will always brings grace to reality & keeps her sane.. uh yeah that's you. =) lalaalalaaaa i'm on the phone with you right now. the end.

you know what? [07 Aug 2008|10:19pm] deaam, this pharrell cut, is hella chill. Yesterday was my last day at the eagle. Had an unofficial goodbye dinner at the usual spot, king of thai of course. I just put some shit in my away messege, & told some people at work, so don't be offended if you thought you weren't invited k? okay. Sometimes i just suck at planning things. But all you special fucks better be at my official goodbye dinner/karaoke, or ima stuff some curry down your throat so you'll be a stinky little turd kapeesh? haha. So last night, as i lay on my bed falling asleep, sidekick in hand, i wake up around 2ish, or possibly 3am, and guess what i got? Bryon made me a hemp bracelet! it's a little large for my wrist, but cute nonetheless. Woke up around eleven by alfonzos call to get him at dc bart. Went to put 6bucks into my tank. Afterwards, fonzo treated me to a bestfriend kids meal @ bk. We got a purple mini bestfriend backpack keychain with cute ass crayola stickers, haha. Don't ever, i'm keeping that shit foreva. Showered. Then William came over to help me study. We watched closer, then William bought us pizzahut. Swear, we swallowed those slices like chips. u know what chips i havent had for a while? Banana chips! mmm. We played the infamous game of "this or that" aka, "would you rather?" Trust me, fonzo is the best to play this game with. If not fonz, it's Melissa yeeee. Hmm, i feel like getting a tatoo now. I still don't know of what though, since i'm little miss indecisive. & i want to repaint my room walls in sac, cuz they're ugly as fuck. who the hell thought it would be a good idea to paint 'em lavender & light green.. well, they're fired ! & when i get money, & get out of debt i want to build a bike with my bf, a cute ass bike with a herrokitty basket & everything. sexy right? right. "it's funny how money change a situation" - Lboogie. how true is that? I had plans this summer, but unfortunately there's nasty sluttacious hoes majoring in whoreism existing in this world who enjoy fucking wonderful people like tats, alex & i over.. Whatever, karmas a bitch. Just like you. I just wish i had money to spend. Lastly, fuck.. could this be what i think will be? the formation of a pimple protruding from my left nostril.. well i guess i don't follow superstitions so i'm all good. goodnight beautifuls.

shleeps. [30 Jul 2008|11:10pm] [ music | chasin you - beautiful music, baby ] movies: (i still need to watch) _science of sleep. _wristcutters. _garden state. _me & you & everyone we know. _ella enchanted. _wicker park. currently: watching will & grace it makes me excited. i think john mccain sucks.. woo, attonement tomorrow ! hello, fish fillet. i miss emeeelyo. mmmk, goodnight.

uhblah. [24 Jul 2008|09:58pm] [ music | let it go - mosdef. ] hmm, i can't seem to find my red vintage sweater anywhere. & my new h&m tank, what a waste. i don't know what to get my bestfriends for their birthdays.. i'm hella broke right now, but i realllly wanna go shopping. i dropped a wooden drawer on my foot. & it still hurts when i walk, i hope it's not broken. cause i'm too damn lazy to go to the doctor. i'm hella excited for disneyland family vacation. and i miss my boyfriend, hella. mmmm! it's weird saying "boyfriend". it's all still new to me.. whatevs. hmmm, i still need to sign up for classes at crc, ugh. i wonder if i'm passing geology.. but i don't wanna worry myself right now. i fucking hate school with a passion, but i know damn well dropping out is NOT an option. & i don't want it to be.. i'm getting fat again, it's not cute. =/ sisterhood of the traveling pants Aug 6. So fugdope, it's a fuckin date !!!! no wait, i'll still be in sf.. so after LA. haha. damn, i have bladder problems. i love you alfonzo haro. <3 goodnight mates !

kjkljoijkdjsflkajdf [13 May 2008|12:29am] [ mood | thoughtful ] -soo, anyways. if fonzo & i don't find our true loves when we hit thirty, we're bout to do some will & grace shit. except, the fact that he's not gay.. haha. Since you wanna move to france, i guess we can live there. i'm kinda excited to be single forever.. haha. we "asexual" baby ! so since we're both unsure with where our lives are going, career wise.. here's a few ideas.. can we puhlease have our own cupcake shop?! OR me you & rhadney can do that johnny cupcake shit. otherwise, i guess i'll just have to loose weight, and become a go go dancer.. i think i might enjoy it. since i'm too damn short to become a stewardess.. sigh. anyways, i love your view on things. even though i don't believe you at first. haha, remember i was like, NO NUH UH! and as for the catch22 thing.. you're RIGHT. i think i shall when i'm better, maybe. ;D wellll you signed off on me. thannnks. miss you till friday! <333 ps: i still have that damn "foundation" song by kate nash stuck in my head.. fingaaatips are holding on to the craaacks! haha. post comment

i need to start my scrapbook. [01 Apr 2008|01:47am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | french kiss. ] you know what i love? when people prove me wrong. you know what i don't understand? when girls get beat by their boyfriends and keep on running back to them. bitch, if he loves you he wouldn't be fuckin' hurting you. dumbass. anyways, today was a really good day. i'm excited to live life. goodnight.

jkljlkj;l [16 Mar 2008|03:33am] [ music | noooothing. ] Dear Nghia, thanks for reminding me about live journal. i hope you get home safely because driving with alch. in your system is not cool, and i only talk to cool people. & stop being a hypebeast. ok bye. sincerely, lechar. post comment

my dear Clementine [06 Mar 2008|01:30am] [ mood | discontent ] How happy is the blameless vestal's lot, The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned. Oh what a joy it is to be a woman. The remarkable wonders of experiencing, these random emotions of dissapointment for no reason at all. And i hope you caught my sarcasm.

[03 Mar 2008|09:54pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | billie holiday ] when i'm upset, i tend to run through all my blessings in my head. there's no room at all, in this bare livejournal box that will withold all of them. so i'll just list the mains. _family. _moms. _rteezy&ryno. _my bests. _the roomies. _the sun. _chill ass roomates. _good food, good music. _the fact that my laughter & smiles exceed the amount of frowns every single day.

testing testing. [25 Feb 2008|02:34am] [ mood | amused ] why hello there stranger, although it's already the month of loooove, it's not too late to make a goals for 2008 list ! (in no order of importance) 1. lose weight. 2. lip piercing *should be done within the next 2 weeks right stella? 3. recieve no lower than a B in classes. 4. get a new job. 5. go to alcatraz 6. make a scrapbook 7. sd roadtrip with lifepartner. *tats ahemahem. 8. jetski trip with roomies. 9. visit pops more. 10. adventure with ben&jusan. 11. learn how to skateboard. *ryno said he'll teach me 12. take a dance class *funks? 13. learn how to open my heart. * & yes, i'm aware this sounds corny. i'll add more once i think of some. Anyhow, i got a new camera because i realized that someone will never ever pay me back.. asshole But yes, i love it. The camera i mean. Random shots:

should be sleeping. [21 Feb 2008|02:33am] [ mood | exhausted ] www.zeitgeistmovie.com All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell... -Network (1976) have you seen it? i don't know anymore.

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